Hi Shiva, I have crossed 30 and still not married as I was busy with my academics. Now I feel like doing masturbation frequently. Sometimes I feel like having sex with a male colleague. Should I control this emotion or should I go ahead with having sex with a known male colleague. Please advice.

PSV, Female, 30 years, from Bangalore, India



I cannot tell you what you should do. That’s your personal decision.
All I can do is provide some facts to help you decide.

1) Legality : The minimum age for consensual heterosexual sex in
India is 16 years. So you will not be breaking the law if you have
sex with an adult male.

2) Beliefs : If you believe it’s a sin to have sex before marriage,
and if your beliefs will fill you with guilt after the sexual encounter
then perhaps you need to think twice before you do it. In my opinion
it’s not a sin. It’s only a sin when you have bad sex. 😉

3) Safety : The only 100% SAFE sexual activity is masturbation.
Every other sexual activity, even kissing, has some risks. Here are
some of the most common STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).

Wearing a condom drastically reduces risk of disease, but does not
eliminate it. For example, if he has Herpes on an area not covered
by a condom (his testicles, or upper thigh or inside his mouth)
contact with those sores can transmit herpes to you. So be careful,
discuss each other’s sexual health & histories and take an informed
decision. And know that people don’t always tell the truth about their
sexual past. And by the way, the more sexually active a person and
the more partners they have had, the greater the chance of them having
an STD. In other words, if you pick the office Casanova to pop your
cherry, you need to be even MORE careful about STDs.

4) Emotions : It’s not uncommon for a woman to develop strong feelings
for the FIRST man she gets sexually intimate with. She may even believe
that it’s “true love”. Don’t get carried away if this happens.

And by the way, if your lover does not do what you like in bed, and
if you’re too shy to tell him directly, use this page http://bit.ly/d2YCjQ
to let him know.

Tip : Easy cunnilingus

November 11, 2010


Many of you have written to me asking for tips on how to perform
cunnilingus (oral sex) on a woman. To learn the subtleties of great
cunnilingus, download my ebook here http://bit.ly/d6sZMs but here’s a
quick and simple oral-sex tip that never fails : Lick her vulva like
you’re licking an ice-cream cone. Start from the entrance to the vagina,
and lick all the way up to her clitoris. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

*** QUESTION ***

Hi Shiva, I never had sex till today. Particularly I have not had
any affair and I never gone to any prostitute. I am fearing that
when I get married will this create any problem for me as I do not
have any experience. I don’t know if I can impress any lady quickly
as I am a little bit shy. So I am worried.

JK, Male, 25 years, from Valsad, India



This is a common concern many young men have about making love for the
first time. Should he admit he’s a virgin? Will she think he is a loser?

Well, I have good news for you.

Women actually find it charming when a man can be matured enough to be
vulnerable and tell the truth. Women are fed up of guys who act all macho.

Also, when you pretend to be something you are not, you perform under
pressure. And pressure is the enemy of great sex.

And by the way, visiting a sex worker does NOT give you ‘experience’
in being a good lover. Most sex workers are focussed ONLY on getting
the client to ejaculate as soon as possible and leave, so that they
can move on to the next client. Sex workers also carry a very high
risk of disease.

So what should you do?

Even if you can’t attend our seminar, or can’t read our ebooks, here
is some basic info on how to be a good lover. Read this carefully.

Kiss and caress her WHOLE BODY, every square inch of it. Don’t be in
a hurry to have intercourse. Give her direct stimulation of her clitoris
with your tongue or fingers. Let her know that you will NOT get inside
her until she specifically signals you to do so; perhaps she could
pull your ear when she is ready for sex. When she does signal you for
sex, don’t do it. Wait until she signals at least three times. 🙂
If for any reason, your erection is not hard enough to have intercourse,
don’t make a big deal of it. Ask her to stimulate you with her hand
or her mouth. When a woman has expressed her own orgasm she’s usually
happy to stimulate her man the way he wants. And read this past newsletter
on how to make love to a virgin. http://bit.ly/dtjmbI

If you just follow the above advice, you will be a better lover than
many married men with years of experience. 🙂

By the way, if you had ever planned to take the Better Lover Seminar,
this is the best time. For the price of the seminar, we are offering
an extra bonus day in which I teach the art of approaching women.
Attendees get to practice the art of approaching on a live female
model in the workshop. Visit www.realman.in/2day for details.


I have two questions. 1. What do men prefer between hand-job and ejaculation inside a woman?  2. Why does intercourse become hard and painful after i reach my orgasm?

NS, Female, 22 years, from Mumbai, India



1. What a man prefers depends on his mood. At times he wants to pin
his woman down and f**k her hard. At other times he may prefer not
doing any ‘work’, just lying back and enjoying the stimulation provided
by his partner (manually or orally). Why not ask him what he prefers.
We men are simple creatures. We’re happy to tell you. 🙂

2. Immediately after orgasm, the clitoris becomes extra sensitive
in many women and cannot tolerate direct stimulation for some time.
This may make intercourse painful.

*** QUESTION ***

I have a small size penis, 4.5 inches. With my age it does not erect so well every day. It is difficult for penetration. What is the best advice and the most suited position? Thank you.

GUNS, Male, 49 years, from Colombo, Sri Lanka



Before you penetrate, give her adequate WHOLE BODY stimulation.
Make love to every part of her body, every square inch, while staying
away from her genitals at first. Help her express orgasm with direct
stimulation of her clitoris using your tongue or fingers. After she
has climaxed, you’ll feel less pressure to perform and will enjoy
intercourse even more.

Here are the best sex positions for a smaller penis (that allow deep
penetration). Click the link next to each to view the animated demo.

Doggy :  http://bit.ly/9HBCqS

Deckchair : http://bit.ly/b5SqLj

If your erection is not hard enough for the above positions, try the
woman-on-top position http://bit.ly/bCvE4S
Here’s how it works : You lie down on your back while she gives you
whole body stimulation by kissing, nibbling and caressing you all over.
She may also stroke your penis manually or with her mouth. When you
are hard enough, she gets on top.

Age does cause erection changes in a man.
But there are also other factors that you may want to rule out.


Stop smoking if you do. Get yourself medically tested and treated for
ailments like diabetes, high blood pressure or heart disease, which
affect erections. Cut down your alcohol consumption if you take more
than 2 drinks a week. Make sure you get regular exercise and at least
7 hours of sleep. Eat more vegetables and fruits, and less meat.
Unlike meat, vegetables are low in cholesterol and high in fiber which
keeps your arteries free of deposits and this allows good blood flow
to your penis. The worst kind of meat for good sexual health are pork,
beef and lamb. Less harmful is chicken. Also, eat more ZINC. It’s the
most important mineral for healthy sexual function in men. Good food
sources of zinc: nuts, whole grains, pumpkin seeds, spinach, beans,
oysters, fish and eggs.


Any kind of stress at home or work can affect your erections.
Relationship conflicts with your partner or issues with your kids,
parents, in-laws, friend or boss can also cause erection changes.

If you have none of the above factors and if your erection changes
are only because of age, then don’t worry, it’s normal. You may now
require direct stroking (manually or orally) to sustain an erection.
Accept it. Every man has to go through it sooner or later.

Remember, great sex is not just about intercourse. You can have an
erection that stays rock-hard for an hour, but she may still find you
a lousy lover.

In fact, with slight changes to your sex techniques, this could be
the BEST sex you and your partner have ever experienced.

You can give her direct clitoral stimulation with your tongue, fingers
or a sex toy. And she can give you oral sex. Even a soft penis loves
a woman’s mouth.

Even if your penis is totally flaccid (soft), you can still have
mock-intercourse. After adequate foreplay, you lie on your back, she
gets on top, spreads her legs wide and rubs her vulva against your
soft penis or your pubic bone. With sufficient lubrication, a little
adjustment and some hip-grinding, she can use your body to stimulate
her clitoris and get an orgasm.

In survey after survey, when women are asked how they feel when
their man has erection problems, most say that they wish men
wouldn’t make such a big deal of it. For most women, the lack of
erection is less of a problem than the anger, depression,
frustration and anxiety that men feel because of it. Erections are
important to women ONLY because it’s so important to men.

Tip: The First Thrust

May 25, 2009

For many women, the FIRST thrust of your penis is the best part of
the intercourse (assuming she’s had sufficient foreplay). Find out
how she prefers it. Does she liked to be teased with a few shallow
thrusts going in just an inch or two, before you thrust in? Or does
she like one-big-straight thrust right in?

Experiment with foods and see if she is willing to tell you which
foods makes your semen taste better or worse. Generally, eating fruits
(especially pineapple and apple) makes semen taste better. While red
meat, tobacco and coffee makes it taste worse. If your semen is really
bitter, consider seeing a doctor to rule out an infection in your
urinary tract or in your prostate.